Monday Morning Warm-Up (courtesy Jo Knowles): Share a quote that makes you think and feel hopeful.

One of my friends forwarded a quote to me late last year and it has become my mantra, chiefly the word PERSIST.

I don’t know why, and I suppose I am not the only one, but I am encouraged when I hear about people who are famous for their craft struggling, like I do, to create. It makes me feel more normal and human and less like a talentless hack. I guess in some ways I seek validation in that, in knowing that I’m not the only one doesn’t know what to write after the end of Chapter 1.

The only difference between a failure and a success is persistence. People who persist eventually end up somewhere with something to be proud of.

If you haven’t seen this post at lettersofnote.com, please take a second and visit the site.  Austin Madison of PIXAR, who penned the note, wrote:

PERSIST on telling your story. PERSIST on reaching your audience. PERSIST on staying true to your vision… the next time you hit writer’s block, or your computer crashes and you lose an entire night’s work because you didn’t hit save (always hit save), just remember: you’re never far from that next burst of divine creativity.

Work through that 97% of murky abysmal mediocrity to get to that 3% which everyone will remember you for! I guarantee you, the art will be well worth the work!

That gives me hope. It makes me feel like all this hard work, laboring down here in the salt mines will someday be worth it.

PERSIST

One of my fave music artists once said that he wanted to be a part of a song that lived on forever. Even after his career was over or he was long gone, when people listened to that song, they’d know he was a part of it.

I think that artists- musicians and painters and sculptors and writers want the same thing, to create something that lives on beyond them and bears the mark of their effort, their talent, their dedication.

I want to write something that speaks to people’s hearts, perhaps reminds them of someone or something in their lives. Most of all I want to write something that entertains and brings joy, provides a space for escaping life as we know it and living the lives of fictional characters through my words.

Except this post isn’t about exercise, because we all know I’m not doing any of that. My whole…. what’s a better word for plan without saying plan? I don’t know. This year, we’ll say, is about DOING.  I’m reading through my blog posts via my Google Reader today and I come upon today’s post at Skinny Black Girl. She referenced an article in Harvard Business Review entitled “Your Problem Isn’t Motivation.”

He could not be speaking more truth if he was living inside my head. Read the article in its entirety here, but let’s take a look at the scoop (edits are mine):

Each attempt to “motivate”… will only increase … stress and guilt as it widens the gap between … motivation and his follow-through. We have a misconception that if we only cared enough about something, we would do something about it. But that’s not true.

Motivation is in the mind; follow-through is in the practice. Motivation is conceptual; follow-through is practical. In fact, the solution to a motivation problem is the exact opposite of the solution to a follow through problem. The mind is essential to motivation. But with follow through, it’s the mind that gets in the way.

Here’s the key: if you want to follow through on something, stop thinking.

Shut down the conversation that goes on in your head before it starts. Don’t take the bait. Stop arguing with yourself.

Make a very specific decision about something you want to do and don’t question it. By very specific, I mean things like: I will work out  write  tomorrow tonight … or I will only point out the things my employee does right or I will say at least one thing in the next meeting.

Then, when your mind starts to argue with you — and I guarantee it will — ignore it. You’re smarter than your mind. You can see right through it.

I said something to a twiend yesterday–he was congratulating himself on awesome willpower to stop eating out and drinking alcohol. I reminded him that he was successful because he was strong and determined to stick to his decision to cut those things out, not because of some magical force called Will Power. In my humble opinion, will power does not exist. It’s the name we give to the ability to make a decision and stick to it, no matter what.

When doing becomes rote and usual and automatic, we stop thinking about it. We stop trying to motivate ourselves, push ourselves, guilt ourselves into accomplishing our goals. In a short time, we realize that we don’t have to talk so much about what we’re going to do. We just do. 

I realize I’m harping on this point a lot, and that’s because it is huge for me and I think it might be huge for other people at this point in life, where writing isn’t a full time job and we don’t make any money and we don’t really have an audience or a platform or even a project. Writing can be a choice for us, so we must actually choose it. This is the point where we who work outside the home in full time permanent positions sit at our desks and plan and dream and attempt to motive. Nay, even bribe ourselves. “I’ll write for two hours and then I watch X TV show or read X book.” Except that by the time you get home, you’ve been beat with the tired stick and the only thing that sounds good is the the leather of the couch underneath your behind.

What if we stopped thinking and stopped talking and stopped bargaining– in essence trying to motivate ourselves– and just instilled some follow through?

What if we just did it? 

Something to think about, hm?

So yesterday I DID some things. I have a novel that’s been rattling around in my head for over a year and this year I have determined that it will be written. It might suck. It might not suck. Whichever thing happens, it will be written. I started this project many months ago, became frustrated with it and dumped it. I’ve picked it back up again and giving it another go.

Yesterday I found a wonderful character survey HERE. It’s pretty much an in depth study of your character, his or her personality, past, motivations, fears, etc. You fill in all your info, press submit and PRESTO. You get a PDF of a character profile  to save in your (my) project folder. It took me about a half hour or so to do just ONE character last night, in addition to busting out my journal to write out the basics about each of them.

I want to know my characters forward and backward. Even if I don’t use all of the information I know about them, what I know helps form their personality and that personality comes out in the book. Asking myself questions like ‘where was she born, where did she go to school, what’s her personal style, what does she drive, what’s her relationship with her parents/siblings,’ etc helps me create a more well rounded character.

I did this for one character last night. I have five more to go. Feb 1 begins some serious writing.

Today’s snip is from the second story I wrote entitled A Few More Points. Read the story in its entirety here or here. Enjoy!

If she wasn’t drunk, she wouldn’t have done this. Thank goodness she was drunk

I peel off my clothing, doing a little dance of joy as soon as I can take the bra off, and slip on the shorts and t-shirt he gave me. It’s a Led Zepplin tee. I make rock horns in the mirror at myself, then gather my clothes together and head out.

He rolls over when he hears the door open. “Oh. Leah. That was you, the whole time? I didn’t recognize you under all that gunk.”

“Ha ha,” I say, but I smile and drop my pile of clothes on the side of the bed and crawl back to my spot. “Thank you for the clothes. I like this shirt.”

“Keep it,” he says. “What do you want to watch?” He’s still flipping through the cable channels. He probably has every channel ever invented, and there was still nothing on TV.

“I don’t care.”

“A Christmas Story it is, then!” He gets up, grabs a blanket from a chair and comes back to the bed and spreads it over the both of us, then snuggles down against the pillows and, via some button or switch somewhere, turns the lights down.

So I’m taking inventory: I am warm. I am comfortable. I have spent a night laughing and playing games with JC. I am, for all intents and purposes, in bed with him. Under a blanket. Watching a movie. And… did he just scoot up against me and toss his arm over me? Score.

Ralphie is begging his mother for a Red Ryder BB Gun, and she’s saying no, because he’ll shoot his eye out. Other than quoting the famous line, he doesn’t say anything. He lies next to me, snuggled up against me, his arm heavy and warm and comfortable across my belly. I feel his chest rise and fall and his breaths on my arm. The hairs stand up on end and I fight a shiver.

I wonder at what point in the past I could have done this. Just shown up out of the blue to hang out with him, and he’d let me in and basically act like some psycho chick didn’t invade his house. Maybe he was just tired enough or just lonely enough or just curious enough. Maybe I was just drunk enough or just funny enough. Maybe it was all of the above.  Who knows, and because I’m kind of proud of myself for making the effort tonight, I decide that there must have been some perfect aligning of the stars for this to happen.

“So you’re not going home for Christmas?” He sounds so sleepy-his voice is like gravel. The rumble vibrates through my body as he speaks.

I shake my head. “Here is home. When I left, everyone basically said ‘see ya when you fail and have to crawl back’. I haven’t been back since.”

“Wow. That sucks.”

“It did. But now I don’t really think about it. I’m not doing what I came out here to do, but I’m making it.” Close enough. I’m a Buyer for a group of Department Stores. It’s sort of modeling. I just dress up other people in my head and buy what looks good on them. And as fake as I have to be to those bitches, there’s plenty of acting.

“Good. If you’re happy doing what you’re doing…” He pauses to yawn and shift his body. One of his legs wraps around mine. I swear I am going to explode. “… then you should keep doing that. That’s what I believe in.”

“Yep. So you’re flying to Florida tomorrow?” He nods. “Excited?” He nods again. Witty conversationalist. “Your family seems close. That must be nice.”

“Mmmhmm,” he answers. “It is. They’re supportive. As long as I’m happy.”

“And are you?” It seemed like a logical question to ask, but he heaves such a long, hard sigh that I’m worried I offended him.

“For the most part.”

“Like 99.9 percent happy? That’s pretty good.”

“Well 99.9 is technically 100. I’d go with a more arguable 93.7.”

I laugh. “So what would fill in the other… what…six… point… fuck I can’t do math at this time of the morning.”

“I’m not looking for 100 percent. I think if you don’t know pain, you don’t know love. If you never see rain, you’re never thankful for the sun. 100 percent is a fallacy but… if I could get a couple more points, I’d consider myself completely happy. Happy enough.”

“So, but… you didn’t answer the question. What would bring a couple more points for you?”

He shrugs. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t know. It’s that he doesn’t want to tell me. And that’s okay.

Thanks for stopping by!  

This is how my antiresolutions are going to have to go. And you know? It’s hard!

I think it’s second nature to announce what we’re planning to do. And to plan! Failing to plan is planning to fail, is how that saying goes. Though, I think planning and then not executing said plan has a lot to do with failure as well. When you eliminate the planning and the announcement of the planning, there’s nothing left but to DO.

It was my….plan….to read a lot in January and take a break on the writing, particularly because life is pretty slow and droll for me during this month. I’ve read 3 books so far (really) and am on #4. I’ve been picking books that seem easy to get through, around 300 pages. Reading for the sheer enjoyment of it.

Sunday, I picked up Between Friends, a novel by a writer that I follow on twitter DL Sparks. This is her third novel, and as usual with her, I can’t stop reading once I start.

Then I read a mystery/detective type novel- Blindsighted by Karen Slaughter. This story line was… weird. Intriguing, but weird! I watch Criminal Minds and Discovery ID though so I’m used to weird. Couldn’t have been too bad… I’ve started on the 2nd book in the series!

Yesterday I read Crash Into You, a debut novel by one of my writing inspirations, Roni Loren.  This is a steamy erotic romance about two people who were lovers in a past life, reconnecting in a uhmmmmm very sizzling way. You’ll have to read the book to find out what I mean, but Crash Into You is a well written, entertaining debut. Very proud of Roni.

I was talking to a friend last night about these writer people I know releasing books. This time last year I would have been so jealous I couldn’t see straight. This year,  I’m not. I mean, I’d love for it to happen to me, but I’ve discovered that the only thing standing between me and a completed novel is……..me. So once I get out of my own way, it’ll happen to me, too.

I wish I could report on the writing, but I haven’t done any. And according to my mantra for this year, I’m not going to plan to do it either. I’ll let you know when I’ve done some and how it went.

See? HARD!

Well, here we are again, BlogPeople. Clean slate, new year, fresh start and all that. I’ve already read so many posts about Writing Goals for the year and pushing yourself further and doing more while doing less while standing on your head and don’t forget to feed the fish!

Every year, we use this fresh, blemish free calendar to symbolically start over. Refresh. Reboot. And while I recognize the impact and significance of such, that process has to actually work for you, otherwise it’s just a waste of time. I mean, let’s face it folks– I’m addicted to planning.

Oh, I have plans and goals. Long term and short term. I have writing schedules and big dreams and lists of things I should be thinking about doing during any particular free moment of the day. I am so good at planning that I don’t have any time to EXECUTE SAID PLAN.

Yeah……..about those plans? You’ve got to actually work at them, in order for them to be meaningful, otherwise it’s like being unemployed and planning on being a millionaire. Doesn’t work.

Back when I was a workerbee for an audio visual company, we would watch these Stanford Business training videos called The Search for Life After Planning– how to move yourself from having goals to celebrating achievements. These involve setting goals and implementing strategies to make them happen- say what you’re going to do and then what steps you’re going to take to do accomplish them.

While I’ve done that in the past and it has been an underwhelming experience, I still believe in Life After Planning. What do you do after you write down this list of things you want to do? For me, it’s more about what I’m not going to do.

I can justify anything. I can make an excuse out of nothing. I can plan all day to come home and write for two hours and then get home and find an arbitrary reason not to write. This year, I’m combatting that with talking about things I’m not going to do. For example:

Dieting.

I’m not doing it. On purpose. I’m sure all your friends and family have already joined the gym and started their celery and lettuce cleanses, but I’m not doing it. I’ll be miserable, lose 12lbs, get bored and be eating crap again by January 19th. I feel immense relief with this Anti Resolution, actually.

Internet dating.

It’s my goal to never register another online dating profile. I’ve been doing the same thing since my mid-20′s and it hasn’t worked. Am I insane, yet? Time to stop beating my head against this brick wall and do something different.

 Waiting. Or it’s other form, procrastinating.

It’ll never be the right time or place, I’ll never have enough money, I’ll never have someone ‘perfect’ to do [insert task, trip, or fun thing here]. I have to stop waiting for the right time and just do it– this includes my goals for writing as well. I’ve talked myself into set times that I can write and a set way that I can write and if those conditions aren’t met… well. I JUST CAN’T WRITE! No. Not doing it anymore. My television has been off more than it has been on this year.

So far. On day 2. HEY!

Talking about things I am going to do

This is what I mean by life after planning– I’m not going to list out my goals like I usually do. I’m not going to set a number goal for writing this year, either (for the first time in probably 3 years!). I did set a reading goal but that’s okay. A reading goal is not a giant obstacle in my plans to be a great writer.

I’m not going to say what I am going to. What I am going to do, is DO what I am going to do, and then talk about what I DID. I want to celebrate accomplishments and achievements. There’s nothing to be applauded for (me) making a plan. I can plan with the best of them. What I’m not a pro at is getting out there and setting said goals in motion.

This is the year of Shut Up and Write. I’ve even set my hashtag for my accomplishment posts. #SAW2012 is me talking about things I did, not talking about things I’m planning to do.

Live in fear of failure.

I’d have to say the biggest issue I deal with is the idea that I suck. I mean really suck as a writer and I’ll never write a novel that will never be published. Or that I’ll write something that no one but my friends will read and then three years later I will pick it up and realize how awful I really am no one said anything, they just let me think I was a great writer and embarass myself.

My issues run deep, ya’ll. It’s just fear. Blinding, crippling, paralyzing fear. No big whoop. O_o. Right? This year, I’m not going to be afraid of failing. I’m not going to be afraid that I’m a terrible writer (because I know that I am not), and that I will embarrass myself and my family. If I suck, I will suck with great wind.

The only goal I DO have is to read a lot and write a lot. Those are general enough that I think I can achieve them.

Here’s to it. The Year of the Anti Resolution and enjoying Life After Planning. What might be your Anti Resolutions? What are things you’re not going to do?

- Finished up a long serial fiction story that I started in January 2009 as a hundred word prompt from Writer’s Digest. It continues to be my “baby”.
- Read 50+ books. I mentioned this before but I’m very proud of achieving that goal! Next year I’m increasing my goal to 60- join me!
- Wrote 120K + words. Yep. That’s a lotta typing.
- Wrote 8 short stories.
-  Four of those 8 were original fiction!
- Started two books- one creative non fiction, one fiction novel. Both are stalled at the moment.
- Joined Atlanta Writer’s Club and Georgia Writer’s Association
- Got knocked down. Got back up again.
- Joined/participated in DIYMFA
- Met four authors: Susan Rebecca White, Kathryn Stockett, Tayari Jones, and Bernice McFadden
- Put my writing on display by joining Six Sentence Sunday
- Featured at Wellness & Writing Connections Newsletter, Storyfix.com and Indie Ink.org
- Led three fiction writing challenges at the Fiction Archive

While I’m in the middle of something, I’m slowly simmering and worrying that I’m not doing enough or writing enough or reading enough or learning enough. I’m not available enough for beginning writers and I’m not paying enough attention to those I can learn from…. but when I step back and take a look at the big picture… it’s a very pretty painting of something I’m very proud of.
Here’s to a busier and better 2012, in which I will PERSIST.

I’ve finished my Secret Santa story for the fiction archive and I don’t plan to do anymore writing this year, so I’m publishing this number as my 2011 count. Still not too shabby for a year when I had unplanned, haphazard writing and didn’t have a serial story to update for most of the year.

I’m planning to take January off from writing. My creative muscle is so tired. I have no ideas, really and I feel like I need to feed my imagination. I’ll be spending January reading as much as possible and trying to prime the pump for ideas and goals for the new year.

Instead I will yammer about writing and reading. How’s that?

Last week during my luxurious Thanksgiving break, I read three books, which put me a couple of books ahead in the Goodreads Challenge I set for myself. I’m hoping I’ll finish the year over goal, which would be great. I read two books by Hillary Jordan- When She Woke and Mudbound. Both were excellent. I don’t remember the third book… must not have been remarkable. ;)

I am still plugging away on my gift for the Story Exchange. I am on idea #4 now. I mean, at least the ideas keep coming? I’m hoping I have something I can write to the end. Or if it does, that another idea comes to me because… errr. Yeah. It’s due soon!

I think that’s about it from this front. The year is winding down and I’m already thinking about what goals I want to achieve next year.

How about you? Is 2012 knocking on your door already?

I don’t know. Is that a copout? I could be pretentious here and say Jane Austen, but she’s not really my favorite, LOL.

There are a few authors out there that I love and I read nearly everything they publish: John Grisham, Jon Lescroart, Gillian Flynn, and back in the day, I loved LaVyrle Spencer. A favorite writer, though? I’m not really sure I have one. I’ve certainly put down a Grisham if I didn’t like it, skipped a Lescroart if the synopsis doesn’t look like something I want to dive into. I’m more turned on by a story, and even if the author is an unknown, if the story is good, I’ll read it. And then read everything else they’ve written.