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	<title>Melinda Jones ~ The Sweet Escape &#187; delayed gratification</title>
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	<description>...wouldn&#039;t that be sweet?</description>
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		<title>Performance Anxiety</title>
		<link>http://www.thesweetescape.net/blog/2009/writers-write/performance-anxiety/</link>
		<comments>http://www.thesweetescape.net/blog/2009/writers-write/performance-anxiety/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 20 Jun 2009 14:45:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>MJones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Writers Write]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[delayed gratification]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[editing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[obstacles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thesweetescape.net/blog/?p=267</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So, yesterday was a pretty easy day, at work. And when the day is easy, I try to pull out something I&#8217;m working on and give it a go, despite the fact that I can&#8217;t really write at work, due &#8230; <a href="http://www.thesweetescape.net/blog/2009/writers-write/performance-anxiety/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignleft" title="performance anxiety" src="http://www.uq.edu.au/hanginthere/personalDev/images/personal20.gif" alt="" width="159" height="165" />So, yesterday was a pretty easy day, at work. And when the day is easy, I try to pull out something I&#8217;m working on and give it a go, despite the fact that I can&#8217;t really write at work, due to the distractions. It was quiet, though,and the boss was gone and the atmosphere was perfect. <em><strong>PERFECT</strong></em>, I say.</p>
<p>Except&#8230;.it wasn&#8217;t. It was quiet, for sure. My thoughts were rolling around in my head, and I was reading and editing and then I wanted to explore a tangent and started to type and all I could hear was <strong>KLUNK KLUNK KLUNKETY KLUNK KLUNK KLUNK.</strong> My keyboard is SO LOUD. And I type fast. And a lot (I&#8217;m quite verbose, once I get going) and so all I could think was someone coming up behind me going, &#8216;<em>what are you working on</em>?&#8217;  I always feel guilty if I have to close out what I&#8217;m doing when my boss comes out of his office. That is a sign that I shouldn&#8217;t be doing whatever I&#8217;m doing. For sure, I couldn&#8217;t look up at them and say, <em>&#8220;well, it&#8217;s another installment of my fanfiction series, it&#8217;s a romance and my main character is meeting his love interest&#8217;s family for the first time, and it&#8217;s really awkward because&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.</em>&#8221; Yeah, so no. I didn&#8217;t want to get caught.</p>
<p>So I had to close the page and pretend to work, which is harder than actual working. And, of course, because I couldn&#8217;t write, I had all these ideas of things I wanted to bring out, some I wanted to tone down, conversations I wanted them to have. Need to punch up the emotion here, add more descriptive terms there&#8230;. but I COULDN&#8217;T.</p>
<p>It was like having to &#8230;&#8230;. use the facilites but you CAN&#8217;T. Have to hold it in, until you get home. Drove. me. Mad.</p>
<p><span id="more-267"></span></p>
<p>So, I left early. I wasn&#8217;t working anyway and it was Friday and no one cared. I checked out and went straight home and went straight to the laptop, ripped Word open and <em>aaaaahhhhhhhhh.</em> Relief.</p>
<p>After a couple of breaks, actually got to a point where the bare bones of the chapter is complete! \o/ I usually just spit out what I can and go back and edit. Someone, I think Stephen King in <span style="text-decoration: underline;">On Writing</span> maybe (???), said &#8220;a<em>nyone can write. The magic is in the editing</em>.&#8221; For me, that&#8217;s true. I can spit out some of the world&#8217;s most droll, boring stuff. I&#8217;m kind of amazed at myself when I read the finished product. It&#8217;s nothing like my rough draft.</p>
<p>Maybe the magic for me was knowing what I want to do and not being able to actually physically be able to do it. It made me long for it, wish I could, imagine myself doing it, until I just wanted to scream, and when I finally could, it was like a dam burst. Sweet. Perhaps the next time I really want to write, I should deny myself until it drives me out of my mind!</p>
<p>So, today is working through the rough draft. I&#8217;ve already edited the hizzy out of the first part of it, so I hope I don&#8217;t want to make too many more changes. And then it&#8217;s time to send it off to critique, more editing, more critiquing, and then archive that puppy and move on to something else.</p>
<p>On with the day!</p>
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