Comments on: A Prompt: The Storm

By: January Contributions | Prompted to Write

January Contributions | Prompted to Write — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 04:15:17 +0000

[...] MissM takes us to the country on An Incredible Calm. [...]

By: MissM

MissM — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 22:19:42 +0000

Thanks! Well, at least my characters are strong! :D I’ll have to work on making the focal point apparent and strong. Like I was telling Tina, I can go on and on and on. I was trying to keep it short, but thought about expanding on the twister that took her father and lingering more on the storm. I guess I need to not be afraid of length. I just wish I could say more with fewer words. You know?

Thanks so much for your feedback, ladies! It’ll help when I write my next prompt!
.-= MissM´s last blog ..A Prompt: The Storm =-.

By: lizzb

lizzb — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 22:13:53 +0000

So funny. I was thinking just along the lines of Tina. I LOVED the development of the two characters at the beginning and end.

The part about the storm was a bit flat as climaxes are concerned. Maybe there could have been some foreshadowing in the beginning when she tells Jeb a storm is coming. It was good despite that though. I was reading a bit faster to find out what was going to happen so the build was there but it could have been more intense and/or devastating.
.-= lizzb´s last blog ..Don’t You Forget About You…and Weigh Day! =-.

By: MissM

MissM — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 20:20:21 +0000

Thanks for your feedback. I definitely see what you mean… I think in my efforts to write shorter pieces, I cheap-out on the good stuff. The meat of the story. I’m working on finding a good balance between length and content.

I really appreciate your response! Thank you!

By: Tina

Tina — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 20:16:04 +0000

I’m so impressed! You describe the surroundings and the characters so well without sounding heavy handed or cliche.

If I was going to give any constructive criticism, it would be that I needed to hear a little more about the storm. Maybe a flashback to the storm that “took daddy’ as soon as she realizes the weather is getting bad. Maybe a bit more substance during the storm besides the barn doors. After the nice, slow buildup with the characters at breakfast, and the background with her reading her sister’s books, I felt like I didn’t get enough about 1) Her history with bad storms 2) How bad the storm was 3) How badly she was injured (until she said she was almost taken from him, I didn’t realize it was that bad.

You have a talent for fiction! I’m jealous.